Dying To Be Perfect

The Vision Board

2008-05-25T21:33:00.001-04:00

Do you see yourself in any of these? Do you believe you can have them? Do you believe that you can and the only requirement for them is in the believing, along with faith that God will supply them? There is one huge kickback though. You have to ASK God for your blessings. You have to believe that God has ALL of your blessings, and is just waiting to give them, but you have to ASK Him for them, then expect them. When you make a vision board, it is giving all your wants and needs to God, along with speaking them continuously over yourself, and believing that they are already on the way. Start speaking them, walking them, acting like you have already received those blessings. This is faith in God and his promise to you as a Christian. God tells us that through our faith in him, he will open the windows to heaven and pour out more blessings upon us than we could ever imagine. From the Prayer of Jabez Devotional Book

"God is scanning the planet today for Holy Askers. He wants to give you your larger destiny. He loves you so much that every blessing He gives is personalized to your need to be blessed in a particular place in your life. But your Father won't push Himself on you. He's full of grace. He wants you to decide what you really want. In His eyes,the very act of asking moves you from the run-of-the-mill to "more honorable."
I made my vision board on a simply poster board. I decided I wanted my entire family, meaning all three of my children and myself on it in pictures and sought protection for them in all ways. I then added to that request, their education and meaningful relationships, and that they would always keep God as the center of their lives. I then went from them, to what I actually wanted from God for my blessings, from financial security, all the way to being able to forgive anyone who had hurt me or harmed me in anyway whatsoever. Or, anyone I had hurt or harmed, for them to be able to forgive me. I wanted nothing at all to come between my blessings that God has already started sending. What I used was stick up in the shapes of hearts, and colored paper. I used 3-D shapes for my vacations, just to be creative for God. I used different colors of markers to add more color. To make sure that this was God based for all of my blessings, I wrote out the prayer Jabez used when he called upon God, but I personalized it from me. Jabez's prayer goes like this:
And Jabez called upon the God of Israel saying, "Oh, that you would bless indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may cause no pain!" So God granted his request.
1Chronicles 4: 9-10
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the bed with a mosquito.
Betty Reece

It is all within your reach if you can believe you are entitled to all of God's blessings, have the faith that He will supply them, and simply ASK for them.

God bless you all!

passion ~

The picture of this vision board was found on Blingo images. This is not mine.

Searching for the Perfect Soulmate

2008-05-25T08:34:00.000-04:00

Last night I visited Myspace for the first time since March. I haven't been going there for a number of reasons, one being that I can't get my page the way I want it, but even with that, the way I used to want it, isn't how I want it today. That seems to be quite the mouthful, huh? Isn't it so ironic, how we change our minds with growth? And, have you ever noticed that the people around you who are not growing, continue to never move. And, if they do, they remain in the same "old" patterns that they have always been in. One can't grow if they don't start within. I learned to change my patterns when I kept making the same mistakes. My search was outer, instead of inner. Ah, the famous line so many use. "You can't ever love another, if you can't love yourself" Well, there is truth to that statement, but not the entirety. You can love another, just the way you are, however, loving that person or them loving you, without first cleaning out the closets and the baggage from anything that would hinder the relationship, will indeed follow you both, and more times than not, shadow the relationship. That alone takes time. With me, I have learned that there is so much within me that is there. "There" meaning, that has nothing whatsoever to do with a relationship with the outer world at the moment. My searching went from seeking a man to finding my eternal soul mate, God. Through God as my soul mate, when the time is right, he will place me where I need to be, and I can assure you, he HAS already unplaced me where I shouldn't be! Boundaries become set. The vision board made in which I will write about later today. With both set and made, this enabled me to understand exactly what I was searching for, and what I was and wasn't all about. I became at peace finally with this and even though I have gone through two weeks recently of restlessness. I realized that my soul mate all along has been God. It hasn't been about the one I have loved for a good while, coming to me to give me pleasure because I deserved pleasure. It hasn't been about me, being just another lady friend on the list of lady friends, but about me seeing the reality of what is actually going on, about me loving another human being who isn't ready for me to love him, who still has a closet full of demons and who is searching for all the answers in all the wrong places. Am I the place to find those answers. No! I can only be a tool for God to help anyone receive what I have found within my soul mate, but I can't be a earthy soul mate to anyone who is still searching for all the answers in all the wrong places. I am a submissive. Clear cut, who knows my place in this lifetime, but my submissiveness belongs to God first and always, then to me, to make the decision, as to whom, if ever, I will submit to. I can't submit unto a man, who remains and continues to use excuse after excuse, who is living his life with his fulfillment coming at the expense of more than one persons feelings. One can't go from pillow to post, thinking that they are there to give another pleasure only and this not become a egotistical road trip that is self serving and wrong, period. Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus! Thank you for my inner peace, my strength , my devotion, and for being the soul mate of my life to step out and pull me back into where I will always need to remain. Thank you for helping me understand this and that through understanding you, I learn to understand my vision even more clearly. Today folks, I am very blessed. passion ~

Before I Formed You, I Already Knew You

2008-05-10T09:49:00.000-04:00

The Prophet

Your children are not your children.They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, and yet they belong not to you.You may give them your love, but not your thoughts.For they have their own thoughts.You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.For life goes not backward, nor tarries with yesterday.

- Kahlil Gibran

Twenty-six, Twenty-three and thirteen are their ages now. Each with a completely different personality and outlook on life. Each have carried themselves, with their goals in their hands, some finished, some still being worked on, and probably a few being looked at, as if to wonder, what was up with those? Maturity within a child's eyes seems to illuminate out of them when this precious gift comes and becomes every mother's blessing. It is a deep bitter sweet emotion of knowing that your child has grown to another level in life that will enable them to go the distance, even without you. It is an expression of their confidence, strength, honor, and their love and passion for understanding what is right, what is wrong and carrying this forward in life, to yet lead another, when the time comes that they are given the gift of parenthood. A gift that we can only keep for such a small amount of time. A gift that we actually have to let go of and give back to the giver. A gift that when given, placed our lives on hold, so we could install what the giver intended for us to finish installing and help create, a human being. The giver makes no mistakes by placing that gift in our hands. Each were chosen by God to exist, just as we as adults were. His choice was deliberate. One of my favorite verses I have ever read in the bible is: Jeremiah 1:5 that,

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you."

It is by our own hands that the mistakes are made, and there will be some made. I mean after all, we're only adults. We too, are only growing and learning every single day also. Hopefully we have the tools of this understanding, knowing what is right from wrong and teaching from experiencing, and experiencing from teaching. One doesn't have to actually birth a child to be a mother to a child. When any child is placed in your guidance for teaching, then there is a two fold gift here, the teaching and the experiencing. At best, we can take what we know, striving to help them create the person, they themselves are striving to become. Becoming exactly what God intended them to become, not what we as Mother's want them to become. We may have them for but a small amount of time, but we can't own their minds, nor can we expect them to transform over into our minds. We nourish, we lead, we protect, we teach, then we give them back to God, the giver. May the blessing be yours on Mother's Day and always, Passion ~

Where Have I been?

2008-04-13T14:09:00.000-04:00

Becoming honest with yourself is like shedding your clothing, piece by piece until you stand completely naked and raw in front of a mirror. You must do this if the effect you are seeking is to become complete. Otherwise, you remain trapped within a pit of hell that you use as a crutch and never move forward. How many people here know someone like that? I know plenty, but the judging isn't for me to do, that belongs to God. Yes, sometimes pride gets in the way, and this hinders the process. We, more times than not, think we are much too OK, to even begin to look at ourselves. I mean what would people think, right? Let me assure you that before you come to terms about changing your lives, and becoming willing to do what is best for you, you must get to a place in your life, that you don't give one single iota what anyone thinks. As long as you are not harming them, then what they think should be cast aside, just as you'd throw toilet paper in the commode, because more times than not, they really are one and the same. Does this mean letting every single aspect within your life go? No. What this means is you must become willing to step outside of that Pandora box and see people, places and things for what they really are. Some you will keep, some you will let go. This became an easy decision for me, this past year. I looked at who and what was most important to me. I looked at relationships and decided that if I was the one in the relationships who was always the one giving and giving and never receiving anything back in return, but hurt, then, they had to go. No one was exempt from this. I, then set boundaries. Safe, sane boundaries. The sure one thing I didn't need in my life was drama filled, poor decision making, crying on the shoulder people, who never got past the same issues, before they created, yet another one. What I didn't need was back stabbing, behind my back laughing friends, who were not even visible to me and never would be. What I didn't need was someone who was less than a human being, the Devils Side Kick Show, continuing to steal my blessings, yet who I thought was actually trying to help me and be my confidants. Nope, it just wasn't happening. So, I took claim to myself again. I let the reality of life fill me and what a growing process this has been. A mature growing process. I moved from the child like adult, to the full fledgling adult to claim what I needed in life. I say, Thank you God, and to continue to bless the people, places and things, I let go of. This past year has been a busy year for me. I went back to school, finished that aspect of my life up, then enrolled in a college, where I take 5 courses a semester. I finish up this first semester at the end of May. My grade point average is 98. Yes, you read it correctly. I will return in August for another semester and go until December, where I will graduate with a Biblical Leadership Diploma. Also, I will receive a Certification of Leadership from a once a month weekend class I am taking, all from the same college. This in return will be rolled over for yet two more full semesters, where next fall, I will receive my Associates of Arts degree in Biblical Leadership. I will then take this and council and teach others, as well as continue to go into another higher level of education with degrees. This past year, I have been blessed with my family, who has supported me 100% and who have become active within their own spiritual journey. God is good. Many blessing to all who visit here. passion ~

You May Chose Not To Be Here...

2008-04-13T13:59:00.000-04:00

Because this Blog is for anything and everything, and as I have stated a year ago, there will be no wrong, nor right opinion, as long as you respect one another. Enjoy, by all means, as there is much to talk about here. The topic will range from A TO Z. However, there will be no politics in this Blog whatsoever. This is a healing Blog, a joining together with like minded people. So, welcome once again, to Dying To Be Perfect.

After almost a year...

2008-04-13T04:07:00.000-04:00

My happy self is back! Say Yeah :-)

Owning My Own Power

2007-08-02T23:32:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had your eyes opened to situations where you had both eyes sealed shut, or thought that must have been what they were, once you finally opened them and saw the complete picture of what you were missing all along? Good or bad, it is the reality of the picture that often proves to be a very positive outcome in the end. However, one must remember that the outcome in order to be positive, must be seen with a very clear picture, the truth of the matter. To be blunt here, that... more times than not... sucks. Recently, I had a friend, {Yadda} tell me to stop depending on anyone to get me through what I could do alone. Knowing all along that I truthfully own my own powers, with the ability to achieve much, it was easier by nature to have someone guide me through circumstances and issues. It's like the bird in the bush and always having a friend in there with them. Sometimes it is just easier to have someone who will take the control away from you, thus making the decisions, and you simply following them. It is but just a simple protocol when allowed. Regardless of my nature, It is when that person in my life, who I allow to be doing the guiding and directing, becomes less than a human being, becomes deceitful, cunning, and all of a sudden disappears, hides from the world to cover up their behavior, which in returns adds to this list, coward, that after a while the truth of the reality sets in... I have boosted yet another's ego and in return I have been hurt. I'm an emotional eater as I have stated here when I first started this blog. So, imagine a month of being alone here after months of speaking to another every single night, to the point of being sent to bed at an always given hour. Imagine the trips to the kitchen cabinets or the refrigerator time and time again, trying to feed what seems to have been added to my other lists of addictions, codependency, which doesn't say a hell of a lot about submission. To be shameless, uninquisitive, loveless, and uncaring is a human beings four failings that will make me go away from them. No fool is more foolish than one who eagerly expounds their learning to others, while failing to follow it themselves. On record now, I have been on my program 3 days and lost 5 pounds. Say yeahhhhhhhh!

Stupid Is As Stupid Doesn't Do

2007-08-01T01:14:00.000-04:00

I'm not even sure what to name this entry this early in the morning, it being 1:12 am. It is unlike me to be up this late at night, especially when I have to work the next day. My mind seems to have become a whirlwind of late, and the best medicine I have found is to stay extremely busy with work and summer obligations, such as a garden. But even that comes to a halt, leaving me with extra time. If the truth be known, I have been doing everything in the world for others and certainly not taking the time to do for myself or doing what I should be doing all along. My weight loss program for example. I seem to allow everything else to take front row but this at the moment, thus me becoming sad over not doing something I know needs to be done. I seem to be at a loss over this. Reality is a hard lesson at times, especially when it slaps the chit right out of you. Sometimes to be right out beaten is better than being beaten down by emotions and drama. Heck, I know it is. Somehow, I seem to be able to become involved in it and never know it is actually going on. All I simply have to do is ask a question. Any question. Perhaps, an even better term would be , trusting that everything is always upfront, upscale, sincere, that enters my life, when all along it isn't, hasn't been and probably never will be. However, there are a few who are the exception to the rule. I don't do well with drama, ever. I do well in a restful environment. One, where I can be laid back, and be myself, without having to pretend I'm someone else, or that I have to worry about being with people who actually like me or actually want to be around me. I refused to play that game long ago in my life, burning those old recordings that I rewound for many years. Recently, those old past recordings have tried to resurface and to a degree did. You know, those about the self esteem, the love hate relationship with ones soul, feeling worthy, accepted, loved, what the hell ever.... right? The list could go on and on if one allowed it, but I find more importantly in the old recordings resurfacing, is being aware they have and doing an inventory of oneself and finding out just what has caused this. Then comes the removal from it. That is when the healing starts to take place. Forest Gump said it best: 'Stupid is, as stupid does" However, perhaps it's best to add "doesn't do"

A Busy Week

2007-07-30T00:54:00.000-04:00

This week has been a very busy week, with me grabbing what ever I could, just to eat. Tomorrow is new day with a new week. I look forward to a little bit of down time, just for me. I'm extremely tired... passion

Not Tomorrow, But Today

2007-07-23T00:15:00.000-04:00

12:16 AM, A new start of a day. It is here I will post my progress with my weight loss program and my personal thoughts on this goal as I reach it one minute at a time. Earlier in the evening, I had my last grilled hamburger with bread. That will be OK, to rid myself of the bread, as it turns to sugar in the body anyway. Thus, why so many diabetics have to allow this as a sugar intake when consumed. So, it is with a step out in faith, that I make this journey alone, visually. It is the magic of the hour. :-) and the magic of the soul, that will become victorious. Say Yeah.....! The hardest aspect of this will be: That I refuse to let people, places and things, interrupt my scheduled program. People are selfish. It becomes all about them and your well being is more times than not, placed on the back burner. Don't let this happen. Write down a schedule. Have a plan and fight like hell to keep it in that order, refusing to allow anyone or any situation to take priority over you and your goals. Michael Jordon said it best than anyone for Nike... Just do it! passion ~

In The Beginning There Was Passion

2007-07-22T11:44:00.000-04:00

In the beginning there was passion {me} and today, still yet remains... passion{me again} How nice it would be to just be able to drop myself off somewhere and come back to pick me up a tad bit later to have a "all brand new me." Kinda like going to the dry cleaners, all spanking brand new. Free of stains, wrinkles, holes near the heart, strings unraveled. I purposely started this new blog because I wanted and needed a place to go where I could write anything I desired and not combine it with Touch The Hand or The Mint Julep Shop. I needed an outlet for myself and have something to offer another human being who may just feel the same way. I knew I had to do something as my body and mind was feeling like I was in this huge room, with hundreds of people. I would be talking to them, but no one would be listening. I began to raise my voice, and all I could feel and see from inside of me, was this woman standing there, finally reaching the screaming stage within the room, yet still... no one was listening. Why wouldn't anyone listen to me? It was then that I realized that I had to listen to myself in order to survive. I needed a place where I could regain back control of myself and as of recent, I have altogether lost all control. In order to do this, I require a place where I must make myself be 100% honest with myself, with people, places and things, one being with food. I'm a emotional eater, a sugar junkie, which for me is about as dangerous as a run up of heroin. The last month for me as been very difficult to maintain any sense of a program, because I associated my human worth with rejection. To have been beaten back into submission would have been a pleasure, but pleasures seem to have to be earned these days from me, thus here I am instead. I can't promise you at any given time what will run across my mind and be placed here in this blog, as it is my goal to become rigorously honest with myself at all times. I do request the same from anyone who finds themselves on this journey. However, there are stipulations in order to be allowed to post here. Don't ever come in here to bash another human being. This blog isn't about harming anyone, but finding means to deal with issues we all carry. It is about you and I, you and whoever, you and whatever, without the names. :-) Anonymity is enforced in regard to any ones identity, other than your own. I look forward to posting with you. God bless all. passion ~