Owning My Own Power

Have you ever had your eyes opened to situations where you had both eyes sealed shut, or thought that must have been what they were, once you finally opened them and saw the complete picture of what you were missing all along? Good or bad, it is the reality of the picture that often proves to be a very positive outcome in the end. However, one must remember that the outcome in order to be positive, must be seen with a very clear picture, the truth of the matter. To be blunt here, that... more times than not... sucks. Recently, I had a friend, {Yadda} tell me to stop depending on anyone to get me through what I could do alone. Knowing all along that I truthfully own my own powers, with the ability to achieve much, it was easier by nature to have someone guide me through circumstances and issues. It's like the bird in the bush and always having a friend in there with them. Sometimes it is just easier to have someone who will take the control away from you, thus making the decisions, and you simply following them. It is but just a simple protocol when allowed. Regardless of my nature, It is when that person in my life, who I allow to be doing the guiding and directing, becomes less than a human being, becomes deceitful, cunning, and all of a sudden disappears, hides from the world to cover up their behavior, which in returns adds to this list, coward, that after a while the truth of the reality sets in... I have boosted yet another's ego and in return I have been hurt. I'm an emotional eater as I have stated here when I first started this blog. So, imagine a month of being alone here after months of speaking to another every single night, to the point of being sent to bed at an always given hour. Imagine the trips to the kitchen cabinets or the refrigerator time and time again, trying to feed what seems to have been added to my other lists of addictions, codependency, which doesn't say a hell of a lot about submission. To be shameless, uninquisitive, loveless, and uncaring is a human beings four failings that will make me go away from them. No fool is more foolish than one who eagerly expounds their learning to others, while failing to follow it themselves. On record now, I have been on my program 3 days and lost 5 pounds. Say yeahhhhhhhh!

Stupid Is As Stupid Doesn't Do

I'm not even sure what to name this entry this early in the morning, it being 1:12 am. It is unlike me to be up this late at night, especially when I have to work the next day. My mind seems to have become a whirlwind of late, and the best medicine I have found is to stay extremely busy with work and summer obligations, such as a garden. But even that comes to a halt, leaving me with extra time. If the truth be known, I have been doing everything in the world for others and certainly not taking the time to do for myself or doing what I should be doing all along. My weight loss program for example. I seem to allow everything else to take front row but this at the moment, thus me becoming sad over not doing something I know needs to be done. I seem to be at a loss over this. Reality is a hard lesson at times, especially when it slaps the chit right out of you. Sometimes to be right out beaten is better than being beaten down by emotions and drama. Heck, I know it is. Somehow, I seem to be able to become involved in it and never know it is actually going on. All I simply have to do is ask a question. Any question. Perhaps, an even better term would be , trusting that everything is always upfront, upscale, sincere, that enters my life, when all along it isn't, hasn't been and probably never will be. However, there are a few who are the exception to the rule. I don't do well with drama, ever. I do well in a restful environment. One, where I can be laid back, and be myself, without having to pretend I'm someone else, or that I have to worry about being with people who actually like me or actually want to be around me. I refused to play that game long ago in my life, burning those old recordings that I rewound for many years. Recently, those old past recordings have tried to resurface and to a degree did. You know, those about the self esteem, the love hate relationship with ones soul, feeling worthy, accepted, loved, what the hell ever.... right? The list could go on and on if one allowed it, but I find more importantly in the old recordings resurfacing, is being aware they have and doing an inventory of oneself and finding out just what has caused this. Then comes the removal from it. That is when the healing starts to take place. Forest Gump said it best: 'Stupid is, as stupid does" However, perhaps it's best to add "doesn't do"