Inhaling the magic back into my soul

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Owning My Own Power

Have you ever had your eyes opened to situations where you had both eyes sealed shut, or thought that must have been what they were, once you finally opened them and saw the complete picture of what you were missing all along? Good or bad, it is the reality of the picture that often proves to be a very positive outcome in the end. However, one must remember that the outcome in order to be positive, must be seen with a very clear picture, the truth of the matter. To be blunt here, that... more times than not... sucks. Recently, I had a friend, {Yadda} tell me to stop depending on anyone to get me through what I could do alone. Knowing all along that I truthfully own my own powers, with the ability to achieve much, it was easier by nature to have someone guide me through circumstances and issues. It's like the bird in the bush and always having a friend in there with them. Sometimes it is just easier to have someone who will take the control away from you, thus making the decisions, and you simply following them. It is but just a simple protocol when allowed. Regardless of my nature, It is when that person in my life, who I allow to be doing the guiding and directing, becomes less than a human being, becomes deceitful, cunning, and all of a sudden disappears, hides from the world to cover up their behavior, which in returns adds to this list, coward, that after a while the truth of the reality sets in... I have boosted yet another's ego and in return I have been hurt. I'm an emotional eater as I have stated here when I first started this blog. So, imagine a month of being alone here after months of speaking to another every single night, to the point of being sent to bed at an always given hour. Imagine the trips to the kitchen cabinets or the refrigerator time and time again, trying to feed what seems to have been added to my other lists of addictions, codependency, which doesn't say a hell of a lot about submission. To be shameless, uninquisitive, loveless, and uncaring is a human beings four failings that will make me go away from them. No fool is more foolish than one who eagerly expounds their learning to others, while failing to follow it themselves. On record now, I have been on my program 3 days and lost 5 pounds. Say yeahhhhhhhh!

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Stupid Is As Stupid Doesn't Do

I'm not even sure what to name this entry this early in the morning, it being 1:12 am. It is unlike me to be up this late at night, especially when I have to work the next day. My mind seems to have become a whirlwind of late, and the best medicine I have found is to stay extremely busy with work and summer obligations, such as a garden. But even that comes to a halt, leaving me with extra time. If the truth be known, I have been doing everything in the world for others and certainly not taking the time to do for myself or doing what I should be doing all along. My weight loss program for example. I seem to allow everything else to take front row but this at the moment, thus me becoming sad over not doing something I know needs to be done. I seem to be at a loss over this. Reality is a hard lesson at times, especially when it slaps the chit right out of you. Sometimes to be right out beaten is better than being beaten down by emotions and drama. Heck, I know it is. Somehow, I seem to be able to become involved in it and never know it is actually going on. All I simply have to do is ask a question. Any question. Perhaps, an even better term would be , trusting that everything is always upfront, upscale, sincere, that enters my life, when all along it isn't, hasn't been and probably never will be. However, there are a few who are the exception to the rule. I don't do well with drama, ever. I do well in a restful environment. One, where I can be laid back, and be myself, without having to pretend I'm someone else, or that I have to worry about being with people who actually like me or actually want to be around me. I refused to play that game long ago in my life, burning those old recordings that I rewound for many years. Recently, those old past recordings have tried to resurface and to a degree did. You know, those about the self esteem, the love hate relationship with ones soul, feeling worthy, accepted, loved, what the hell ever.... right? The list could go on and on if one allowed it, but I find more importantly in the old recordings resurfacing, is being aware they have and doing an inventory of oneself and finding out just what has caused this. Then comes the removal from it. That is when the healing starts to take place. Forest Gump said it best: 'Stupid is, as stupid does" However, perhaps it's best to add "doesn't do"

Monday, July 30, 2007

A Busy Week

This week has been a very busy week, with me grabbing what ever I could, just to eat. Tomorrow is new day with a new week. I look forward to a little bit of down time, just for me. I'm extremely tired... passion

Monday, July 23, 2007

Not Tomorrow, But Today

12:16 AM, A new start of a day. It is here I will post my progress with my weight loss program and my personal thoughts on this goal as I reach it one minute at a time. Earlier in the evening, I had my last grilled hamburger with bread. That will be OK, to rid myself of the bread, as it turns to sugar in the body anyway. Thus, why so many diabetics have to allow this as a sugar intake when consumed. So, it is with a step out in faith, that I make this journey alone, visually. It is the magic of the hour. :-) and the magic of the soul, that will become victorious. Say Yeah.....! The hardest aspect of this will be: That I refuse to let people, places and things, interrupt my scheduled program. People are selfish. It becomes all about them and your well being is more times than not, placed on the back burner. Don't let this happen. Write down a schedule. Have a plan and fight like hell to keep it in that order, refusing to allow anyone or any situation to take priority over you and your goals. Michael Jordon said it best than anyone for Nike... Just do it! passion ~

Sunday, July 22, 2007

In The Beginning There Was Passion

In the beginning there was passion {me} and today, still yet remains... passion{me again} How nice it would be to just be able to drop myself off somewhere and come back to pick me up a tad bit later to have a "all brand new me." Kinda like going to the dry cleaners, all spanking brand new. Free of stains, wrinkles, holes near the heart, strings unraveled. I purposely started this new blog because I wanted and needed a place to go where I could write anything I desired and not combine it with Touch The Hand or The Mint Julep Shop. I needed an outlet for myself and have something to offer another human being who may just feel the same way. I knew I had to do something as my body and mind was feeling like I was in this huge room, with hundreds of people. I would be talking to them, but no one would be listening. I began to raise my voice, and all I could feel and see from inside of me, was this woman standing there, finally reaching the screaming stage within the room, yet still... no one was listening. Why wouldn't anyone listen to me? It was then that I realized that I had to listen to myself in order to survive. I needed a place where I could regain back control of myself and as of recent, I have altogether lost all control. In order to do this, I require a place where I must make myself be 100% honest with myself, with people, places and things, one being with food. I'm a emotional eater, a sugar junkie, which for me is about as dangerous as a run up of heroin. The last month for me as been very difficult to maintain any sense of a program, because I associated my human worth with rejection. To have been beaten back into submission would have been a pleasure, but pleasures seem to have to be earned these days from me, thus here I am instead. I can't promise you at any given time what will run across my mind and be placed here in this blog, as it is my goal to become rigorously honest with myself at all times. I do request the same from anyone who finds themselves on this journey. However, there are stipulations in order to be allowed to post here. Don't ever come in here to bash another human being. This blog isn't about harming anyone, but finding means to deal with issues we all carry. It is about you and I, you and whoever, you and whatever, without the names. :-) Anonymity is enforced in regard to any ones identity, other than your own. I look forward to posting with you. God bless all. passion ~